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Jewish Weddings
"A
man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cling to his wife, The Jewish tradition holds that marriage is a spiritual joining of two people, the fulfillment of a mitzvah or Divine precept. The idea of "one soul in two bodies" is central to the Jewish marriage tradition. It is taught in the Midrash that God himself adorned Eve for her wedding with Adam. At the first wedding in the world, God made sure that the bride would be perfectly beautiful. In traditional Jewish literature, marriage is actually called Kiddushin, which translates as "sanctification" or "dedication." "Sanctification," indicates that what is happening is not just a social arrangement or contractual agreement, but a spiritual bonding and the fulfillment of a mitzvah, a Divine precept. "Dedication," indicates that the couple now have an exclusive relationship, that involves total dedication of the bride and groom to each other, to the extent of them becoming, as the Kabbalists state, "one soul in two bodies." The Aufruf The Aufruf (pronounced “oof-roof”) refers to the calling up of the groom to the Torah on the Shabbat before the wedding, or in our case, the day before. The word “aufruf” means “calling up” in Yiddish. The aufruf is an opportunity for the community to publicly recognize, congratulate, and share in the joy of the wedding to come. It is customary to throw candy (after the recitation of the blessing after the Torah reading) to shower the bride and groom with wishes for a sweet marriage. Tenaim When the families have met, and the young couple have decided to marry, the families usually announce the occasion with a small reception, known as a vort. Some families sign a contract, the tenaim, meaning "conditions," that delineates the obligations of each side regarding the wedding and a final date for the wedding. Others do this at the wedding reception an hour or so before the marriage, which is probably what we will do, since our families live on opposite sides of the country. After the witnessed signing and reading of the Tenaim, a plate is smashed, traditionally by the future mothers-in-law, symbolizing the impending breaks in their relationships with their children, who will soon take responsibility for feeding each other.
Ketubah In the first of these initial ceremonies, the groom signs the ketubah, or marriage contract. The signing must be witnessed by two observant Jewish men who are not related to either the bride or groom. The document, written in Aramaic, outlines the husband's obligations to his wife in marriage, and by signing it he pledges to provide for her support in case of divorce or death. The ketubah is often an elaborately decorated document that the couple frames and keeps in their home.
Bedeken Jewish traditional calls for the bride to be veilied. The bedeken, which translates as "veiling," is the groom's veiling of his bride immediately before the ceremony. The custom is said to be based upon the Biblical story in which Jacob, intending to marry Rachel, accidentally marries her older sister Leah, who wore a veil. In addition, the groom verifies that he is marrying the right woman. The custom of veiling the bride at the wedding appears to be mentioned in the Talmud. Some say it is a sign of modesty. On this day her beauty is for her husband alone. Another reason is to indicate that the groom is not primarily interested in her physical beauty. Beauty will fade in time, but if the groom is attracted to her spiritual qualities, he is attached to something that she will never lose. Chuppah The more public part of the ceremony takes place next and is referred to as the chuppah. The chuppah, or canopy, which is made of cloth stretched between poles, symbolizes the new home of the couple and is often carried by the attendants to the position where the marriage ceremony will take place. In many weddings the chuppah is already in place. Our chuppah is a beautiful needlepointed piece of art. The groom's parents walk him to the chuppah, where they stand together awaiting the bride. While a cantor sings from the Song of Songs, the bride is accompanied to the chuppah by her parents.
Circling When she arrives, the bride circles the groom. In some traditions, the mothers of the bride and groom circle him as well. The circles are thought to protect the groom from evil. It's also a way for the bride to symbolically bind herself to the groom and begin a new family circle. Some brides circle three times, others seven times, according to different interpretations. Circling is a great example of a custom with multiple variations that is attributed to different sources. One source cited for the custom is a verse from Jeremiah: "for the Lord hath created a new thing in the Earth, a woman shall compass a man." (Jeremiah 31: 21). One source for three circles is a verse from Hosea with three descriptions of God's betrothal to Israel: "Thus says the Lord, I will betroth you to Me forever. I will betroth you with righteousness, with justice, with love, and with compassion. I will betroth you to Me with faithfulness, and you shall love the Lord." (Hosea 2:21-22) The number seven is generally considered a number of good fortune in Judaism, and is attributed to various sources. One Kabbalistic explanation for the number seven is that it symbolizes the removal of seven shells of solitude encrusting the groom's soul, so that it can be encompassed by the luminescence of his bride. Wine Holding a glass of wine, the Rabbi recites a blessing of thanks followed by a blessing of the betrothal whereupon the couple sips the wine. Wine, a symbol of joy in Jewish tradition, is associated with the Kiddush, the sanctification prayer recited on Shabbat and festivals. Marriage, which is called Kiddushin, is the sanctification of a man and woman to each other. Rings According to tradition, the central act of erusin (the first part of the wedding ceremony) is the groom's giving and the bride's acceptance of the ring, coupled with the recitation of the Hebrew formula known as haray aht. According to halachah (Jewish law), the groom completes the erusin ceremony by placing the ring on the bride's hand, traditionally on her right index finger, which stems from the ancient belief that the index finger was directly connected to the heart. Jewish law requires the band to be simple, without piercings or precious stones. One explanation is for this is that the smooth and circular shape of the ring symbolizes the unbroken union of your marriage.
Haray Aht Haray Aht is the legal formula recited as the ring is placed on the finger. The entire phrase, transliterated is: "Haray aht m'kudeshet li b'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe v'Yisrael." Translated, the phrase declares, "By this ring, you are consecrated to me, in accordance with the laws of Moses and Israel." It is the central, legally operative phrase of the erusin (betrothal) ceremony, which forms the first half of the wedding ceremony. The ketubah, which was signed earlier, is now read aloud. Sheva Berachot After this, the sheva brachos, or seven blessings, are recited, either by one Rabbi, or at many weddings a different blessing is given to various people the families wish to honor. The blessings are also recited over a full cup of wine. The seven blessings give praise for the creation of the fruit of the vine, the earth, humanity, for creating man and woman in God's image, for the miracle of birth, for bringing the bride and groom together, and for the joy of the bride and groom. Although only the last two deal with the wedding specifically, the blessings as a whole help place the bride and groom in the context of Jewish history. The blessings express the hope that the new couple will rejoice together forever as though they are the original couple, Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The blessings also include a prayer that Jerusalem will be fully rebuilt and restored with the Temple in its midst and the Jewish people within her gates. After the blessings are recited, the couple shares the glass of wine which is then wrapped in a cloth. Breaking the Glass Breaking the glass is your final ceremonial responsibility to complete the wedding. There are more explanations for why we break a glass than pieces of glass after the average breaking. The rabbi may talk about the destruction of the Temple, the fragility of the relationship, remembering sadness at the height of joyous celebration, scaring off demons, or even how many children the union will produce. The groom's job here is to stay focused on getting it done and to give everyone present what they want: an enthusiastic and effective stomping. The groom proceeds to smash the glass beneath his foot. The crowd shouts "Mazel tov!" Yichud The couple is then lead to the yichud, a privacy room where they can be alone for a short while. They usually have a refreshment and a brief respite to take in all that has happened on their special day. After a short time has passed, the couple joins the wedding festivities that have begun in their absence. We would like to do this after the pictures are finished during the cocktail hour. We will make our first appearance at the reception. After the wedding With the ceremony completed, it is a mitzvah -- a religious obligation -- of the guests present to bring joy to the heart of a new bride and her new husband. You have to love a religious commandment to party! :) One of the best parts of the reception is a dance called the "hora" in which the bride, groom, and other close family members are lifted up in chairs! It is a fun and exciting part of the celebration.
Many wedding images are courtesy of GettyImages, among other internet sites.
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